Sorry son! Jackson here was issued the last Afro wig in the stores!
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Union spy Hiriam Sedgewick is apprehended when a touch test reveals his uniform is in fact made of wool and not cotton.
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Buford was furious when Lt. Dan asked Bubba Joe to be his date at the Regimental Fancy Dress Cotillion.
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Have you been working out?
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Mmmm! Nice blue: matches your eyes....
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I do declare, why does the Colonel like Billy Bob so much? He didn't even notice these absolutely sublime boots and fur hat I bought last week!
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1. "Sorry Boy, we don't do Don't Ask Don't tell in this army"
2. "Johnson, gawdammit, Gray, we wear Gray ..........."
3. "Are you sure you're in the right trench ..............."
4. " Would you say this is a cape or a wrap ................"
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"OOH, you are awful...But I like you!"
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Where did you get that ble uniform my boy ? Watch out Bacon Joe is quite trigger haooy when he sees one !!!
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Nice material. Who's your tailor?
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Sorry, Jethro, but the quartermaster ran out of gray.
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It's the new rules, son, we won't ask if you don't tell.
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1. Son, if you really want to look like Napoleon, just putting your hand in your shirt isn't probably a'gonna work.
2. Come on boy, if y'all was a real country gentleman, you'd lay your jacket across that puddle so's I don't get my feet wet!
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I hate to start your day off wrong yank, but I think you should've went left where the road forked
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I declare Jackson, that uniform is not very becoming. If I was you, I wouldn't get too attached to it.
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Y'all come back now, ya hear?
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Soldier, take that arm out of your coat. Have you forgotten about Waterloo? We need a Wellington here in this army, not a Napoleon.
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"While I do appreciate the effort you put into your Halloween costume this year, Thomas, I don't believe Gen'rl Lee will find the humor in it..."
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Hmmm... You did a mixed wash too hot again?
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Jenkins! Where did you find color-safe bleach way out here in the middle of nowhere, son?
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You will bear the Flag at the next assault.
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now listen to me dude! I know it's hard to fight against ya twin brother,but ya gotta go back to your yank folks,'fo ya ass gets kicked over here! hear me?
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Believe me when I tell you this son, a hundred years from now people are going to dress up like us and recreate all of this in their spare time.
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1. No....I don't want to see your bellybutton lint Private smarty pants...
2. Ya'll got a chaw?
3. Nice trench Smitherman, but I said "bench"....
4. Whaddya mean "I'm captured"....."You're captured!"...Okay, rock-paper-scissors...
5. Whoa...nice kepi!
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"Now tell me son, and be honest. Is yer Regiment having prblems with their poopers too?"
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At the battle of Nashville:
"I know you like to sing private Presley, but General Bell Hood told me that if you give our position away by your damned singing again, he’ll shoot you himself!"
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Soldier, ain't you a little tall to be suffering from a Napoleon complex?
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"So,Girls,what do you think of our Trinny and Susannah Makeover."
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"Don't worry, a few days in the saddle through the desert and your uniform will be standard grey like us!"
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Listen boy, don't bogart that can o' sardines! We got nothing else left...
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I'm afraid that what you heard is true. It was cat stew, not possum.
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This blue uniform really brings out your eyes.
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You'all are here to see if we'uns will trade our tobacca for your newspapers. By golly Yank you got yourself a deal..
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Boys, thanks for fighting so hard so I can keep my slaves. I will pay you in cotton bonds when the war is over.
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Yeah... I know we are losing...... But they said we will get something called Nascar and SEC football, so it won't matter.
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1. I have a part in mind for you in Cold Mountain.
2. Oooh, soldier blue, soldier blue can't you see that there's another
way to love her. (Apologies to Buffy St Marie)
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"Jessica Simpson?! Why I oughta put you on latrine duty for a month. Catherine Bach was the only real Daisy Duke."
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Yes son, We southerners are great respectors of tradition and we know it's yore brothers birthday,but you can't just wander in here in that bluebelly suit to wish him so without causing a ruckus.
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Tell me, little boy blue, have you ever taken trumpet lessons?
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Caught yer! I saw yer take his wallet!
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Confederate Soldier: "Hey, Yankie! We're all brothers here in this great nation of ours. So when's this cotton-pickin' war gonna end?"
Union Soldier: "I dunno, Jonny Reb. Per'aps when you quit makin' me walk through this stagnant latrine and I quit tossin' petrified cow dug at your Commanding Officer."
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I promise you - this won't hurt a bit!
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